Life Rehaul-Part 1
A few years ago, I was not in a very good place-in any way, shape or form. I was still reeling from a very bad separation, a new partner who was not terribly healthy for me, struggling as a single mom working multiple part time jobs, living in a house that was practically falling over. I knew something had to change, but over the years had learned helplessness. My self confidence was in the negatives and I was very much struggling with a fun layered dip of grief, loss, depression and anxiety. I did not know what to do, but I knew I needed to do something. I began to realize I needed to drop the heavy feelings of disempowerment and sadness and grab the wheel in my own life. Yes a lot of bad stuff happened TO me, but I needed to reframe that as what it was doing FOR me, trying to propel me to something better. We are the only ones responsible for our lives. Future mindset is dominated by today’s thoughts.
So I started writing, and enrolling in courses. I started reading books that helped get me engaged with seeing past my current state. I cannot possibly express how much it changed my then view of myself and my future when I actually started actively planning in its creation. It really helped me to focus past the chaos I was surrounded by, and really narrow my vision on what it is I truly wanted. Sometimes we are given the most unsurmountable tasks in order to learn from them. What not to do is the story of my life, and instead of continually running from myself I started to run towards me.
It is very, very hard to rewire a brain. I still to this day, which is approximately 6 years after I started retraining my brain have to catch myself when I start to lull back into negativity. I fell down a wormhole of despair that was equivalent only to being sucked into the eye of Sauron, and it takes every day of being present and conscious to not slip back in.
I realized I had forgotten how to dream. After years of being with depressive, narcissistic, self serving people I had forgotten what a dreamer I once was. My dreams had once sent me around the world-doing all kinds of things I am now so grateful for.
Dreaming is so incredibly important to help someone to break out of whichever place we find ourselves in. It is important for us to spend time encouraging ourselves to dream: to have a focus of what our most satisfying life looks like. In order to do this, it is easiest to make a list, or actually a series of lists:
Start with reviewing the current life situation: what is in there that is happy and joy bringing, energy creating, what is it we like doing, our strengths, the things that make us feel full of optimism and zest.
Also list out the negatives. What is it in our lives that is not serving us, what we find is heavy or hard or the bringer of stress and we will see these things as that part that needs to change.
Take some time to visualize what the best life looks like-dream as big as your mind can imagine as nothing is too silly. These are our dreams, and make sure to write them down. Do this many times in a week. Even just for 5 minutes during a commute or whilst waiting for takeaway food or the bath to fill up. The more often we practice writing down our dreams, the things and life we truly want-the easier it will become. Get really specific about the details. Where are you in your perfect life? What does your home look like, smell like, feel like? What kinds of clothes are you wearing? Who is with you? How do you spend your days? If you could spend your days doing anything-what would that be? How would it feel to be doing that thing you love so much, every day? What does satisfaction look and feel like?
After you’ve had a good session in your mind, begin to put your dreams to paper. Break your thoughts in to different categories:
Home and Family
Career and Finance
Physical and Health
Social Life and Attitude
Pleasure time and activities
Contributions to society
Give each category its own big circle and divide it down the middle from top to bottom. On the left write down all the goals you would like to reach, all the things you would like, all the dreamed-up plans for each category. On the right write all the things that would be helpful to get you there-as though you had a great imaginary friend that could make anything happen, regardless of finances or time or any other constraint.
We often think we won’t be able to reach our goals due to one thing or another, so when you are dreaming and writing, do not give yourself such rigid walls. Think the sky is truly limitless and dream up all the amazing things you would like to do, all the amazing places you would like to visit and experience.
Do this as often as it takes so that it does not feel silly, the more we practice the more our lives will start getting aligned. The more focus we have, and with more clarity-our future selves will be put on the path forward.
Check in with me weekly to let me know how this is going or if you need any help figuring out how to go over this exercise. The first few times it is a bit tricky, but it does get easier.
This is a great exercise for those of us stuck inside due to quarantine or self isolation. It can help us to keep things in perspective when we feel like we are so very stuck exactly where we are. A pause is always a great time to plan-once we overcome the overwhelming feeling of rapid, massive change.
Kimberley Dickinson is a Nurse, Author of the bestselling novel The One Life Movement, Private Yoga Instructor, Life Coach, Grief, Loss and Mental Health supporter and End of Life Transition / Death Doula. For more information on her lifespan inclusive services and skills please connect with her on www.athomewellness.ca for in person, over the phone or online support and coaching sessions.
For inspiration, travel adventures and lifestyle content visit www.theonelifemovement.com
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